New television advertisements in Brazil are encouraging people to pee in the shower as a way of conserving water. Our own nation, you may remember, stood divided on the issue a few years ago during Big Brother 3 when Alex was appalled by Jonny's unwillingness to make a distinction between loo and shower basin. The new campaign, however, undoubtedly marks a new stage – or high water mark, if you will – in the world's development, and with new mores comes new etiquette. Remember, you may be weeing in the shower, but there's no need to be rude.
• Don't start until the water has. The water not only provides a cloaking effect, it also avoids lingering contact between the non-lavatory bowl porcelain and your urine. The idea is that it is whisked away down the plughole almost instantly, thus minimising breaches of basic hygiene and allowing maintenance of the pretence, even unto yourself, that you have not just peed in the shower.
• For similar reasons, it also behoves the micturator to do his/her business right at the beginning of his/her ablutions, thus providing a full rinse cycle.
• Don't do it in a friend's shower. Nothing ruins a friendship quicker than inappropriate urination. Keep it for post-pub antics in shop doorways where it belongs.
• Don't do it in public showers – for the obvious reasons, but also because public showers very often involve wooden slat arrangements and we are talking about an activity that should only be undertaken on very, very non-porous areas indeed.
• Don't get carried away. You may, if you choose, pee in the shower. But don't wash in the toilet, and never, ever poo in the bath.
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