Write the Future - Nike World Cup ad (full version)

I'm not sure what I liked more, Rooney with the crazy beard or looking like James Bond while handling Federer at ping pong?

Morning drinking during the World Cup?

There might be decisions to be made between lager and ale with your bagel and cream cheese this June if Deputy Mayor and mayoral candidate Joe Pantalone has his way.

Pantalone may earn a few extra votes in the fall election if he gets his wish and persuades the province to bend liquor laws during the FIFA World Cup in June. By law, bars are allowed to start serving booze at 11 a.m., but with the time difference (South Africa is six hours ahead), games will be starting at 7:30 a.m., 10 a.m., and 1:30 p.m. Toronto time. It would be good for bar business and for eager patrons' cheer to be able to have a morning brewskie when the midday games kick off.

Might be time to check out some German breakfast beer.

The Greater Pugwash Open (GPO) Google Search Story

Google recently released functionality that allows you to make your own version of the now famous, Parisian Love commercial. It is surprisingly easy. Here's a GPO Story (note: the GPO is an annual golf event).

Also, the comedic genius known as Down Goes Brown has created his own Leafs version.

I'm not crying, it's just raining on my face.

An unbelievable Saturday at Augusta!

After a day or Masters’ highs (nice write-up here, complete with photo of a goofy looking Mickelson), I thought it would be a good time to revisit Jim Nantz’ personal low point:  “Did you hear that…? The locusts are coming.” How did they ever get him to agree to reading those promos back in 2005?

Yoga & Wine: Together at last. Wait, what?!

From Trendhunter.com:

“Which asana goes best with Pinot Grigio? And when drinking a cab franc, should one invert or just go with the hatha flow?” asks Vital Juice Daily. “These are the quandaries that plague the nationwide trend of blurring yoga and wine—with workshops popping up like corks in yoga studios, wineries and on retreats worldwide. [ed's note: This is actually a nation-wide trend? Really?]

Experimenting with different wine pairings is fun, but who knew it could be really beneficial for your health too? No, I’m not talking about antioxidants; I’m referring to Vino-yasa! This innovative approach to pairing supplements your favourite reds and white with yoga stretches. It could just be the next big thing in health, taking exercise to a whole new level of bliss.

Read the full article here.

Today's something or other #56

If people were randomly assigned batting averages would that help me remember their names?

A choice quote from the Vancouver Games

I read this quote this morning in the National Post. This could be the quote of the year and we're still only in February.

"My name is Odd-Bjoern Hjelmeset, I skied the second lap, and I f*cked-up today," he said. "I think I have seen too much porn in the last 14 days. I have the room next to Petter [Northug] and every day there is noise in there. So I think that is the reason I f*cked-up. By the way, Tiger Woods is a really good man."

Opening Ceremonies for Vancouver 2010

Boston.com has a collection of fantastic photos of the Vancouver 2010 Opening Ceremonies.

The Ceremonies, while dragging a bit in the middle, were really quite amazing. k.d. lang was great, the right people got to play prominent roles and in the end, it was a very Canadian selection on who got to light the torch. Well played VANOC. Well played.

An even catchier catchphrase?

Another new 2010 catchphrase [being started be me and inspired by Pat Burns’ (!?) comments to the media about the Tiger Woods situation*] to be used when something catches you unawares, blindsides you, floors you, or any time you think of it is, “that hit me like a 9-iron to the face.” Use it in meetings to impress your co-workers with your witty knowledge of current pop culture events or at parties to charm the ladies. You're welcome.

* Note:  If you didn’t read the full Burns thing in The Star…. Burns, a former cop, is friends with one of the police officers who responded to the initial 911 call. What a tangled web blah, blah, blah.

2010's first catchphrase?

Could "bad judgment" be the first catchphrase of the new year?

Washington Wizard's guard Gilbert Arenas apologized for exercising "bad judgment" in a dispute with a teammate where they allegedly pulled guns on each other (supposedly in the locker room, if some reports are to be believed). Arenas disputes the claims but won't say what happened. Here's his statement as reported on ESPN.com.

Gilbert Arenas continued to dispute media accounts of his recent locker-room confrontation with teammate Javaris Crittenton but conceded Saturday night that he used "bad judgment" just by having three firearms on Washington Wizards property.

Speaking to a group of reporters after the Wizards' 97-86 loss to San Antonio, Arenas also revealed that he is scheduled to discuss the case Monday with authorities. Yet Arenas described himself as "not nervous at all" about the fact that the circumstances of his gun possession and his Dec. 21 encounter with Crittenton at the Verizon Center are at the center of a local and federation investigation.

ESPN.com reported Friday that a dispute that began on the team plane and resumed more than 24 hours later in the team's locker room between Arenas and Crittenton was at the crux of an investigation by local and federal authorities.

Multiple sources told ESPN.com that an argument commenced during a card game on the team's overnight flight back to Washington from Phoenix on Dec. 19 and escalated into a heated exchange between Arenas and Crittenton. The Wizards had Dec. 20 off, but sources say hostilities between the two Wizards guards resumed Dec. 21 in the locker room on a practice day.

Sources say that Arenas, in response to what was said on the flight, placed the three guns on a chair near Crittenton's locker stall and invited him to pick one before practice on Dec. 21. Sources said that Crittenton subsequently let Arenas know that he had his own gun.

Today's something or other #47

Are you ready for some Jihad?! Well, we had Fantasy Football: The Musical, so I guess, why not?

From Football Outsiders:

Mike Tanier reviews Monday Night Jihad, Jason Elam's novel about a linebacker turned government operative tracking a tight end turned international terrorist. Yes, that's actually the plot.

The book review is priceless, here are a couple choice quotes:

“...the novel plays out like an elaborate game of learning-disabled cat and narcoleptic mouse...”

“They create intentionally silly dialogue that seems to insult the reader's intelligence while rewarding deeper analysts who appreciate the sardonic irony.”

The Happy Gilmore shot deemed a menace to the golfing industry

If you golf, and are a typical guy, you've likely tried the "Happy Gilmore" tee shot at some point. Alcohol might have been involved.

When anyone tries such a thought you'd assume that they'd first make sure there weren't people directly in front of them. Well, the recent case of Bezanson v. Hayter in Nova Scotia suggests otherwise. 

World Cup Qualifying hots up... off the pitch

Behind the scenese diplomatic manoeuvrings before the Ireland v. France match. Funny stuff at the Irish Soccer Insider:

These letters were leaked today showing a major breakdown in communication between the French Government and the Irish over the upcoming World Cup qualifying play-off. There’s now a full-blown diplomatic row brewing.

 For full details on the brouhaha, click here.

The Onion shows no love to Michael Vick

And who can blame them, really?

From The Onion - Michael Vick Fails To Inspire Team With 'Great' Dogfighting Story.

Wow. I mean... wow.

Don't try this at home

This has to be seen to be believed.

In case you missed this video on SI.com's Extra Mustard a couple of weeks ago, here it is: A video of difficult biking tricks, including jumping onto spiked fences and along rooftops. This guy had more than 2.5m hits on YouTube in a week.

I have to ask, what happened the first few times he tried these tricks??? (note: is "tricks" sufficient for what this guy does? "Stunts", perhaps? "Works of cycling art" at the extreme?)

No more JR Hockey

No more JR Hockey (big goals, big hits, big excitement) as Jeremy Roenick hangs 'em up.

Here's a fitting tribute to JR as he hangs up his skates after 20 years of JR Hockey. His awesomeness is best captured in this tribute to the Best Player In NHL 94: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03JgYUDtHkE.

“It's not so much me as it's Roenick. He's that good.”

Today's something or other #29

Fantasy Football - the Musical? Yes, in fact, that is the name of the musical. In the time honoured tradition of sports-themed musicals such as Starlight Express comes Fantasy Football - the Musical?.

From the show's website:

Prior to the start of the '08-'09 NBA season, ESPN.com's "The Sports Guy" Bill Simmons and the "The Talented Mr. Roto" Matthew Berry announced their plans to organize a fantasy basketball league with eight fans. The application was simple: a one-paragraph email stating what you would do in order to get into this league. The applications, many of them hilarious, ran the gamut from the rights to name a first-born child to sob stories about how depressing it is to be a Seattle sports fan nowadays.

My application stated that I would write and compose an original piece of musical theater that paid homage to the fantasy culture, with Bill and Matthew as the main characters. The real Bill and Matthew spent a couple minutes on their podcast/XM radio show discussing the idea, pushing me through to the "final round." Ultimately, however, they decided to go with what they admitted had shades of affirmative action: one Seattle fan, one member of the US Military, one female fan, etc. My application was excluded on the grounds that they did not know me, and that it was entirely possible my musical would be an absolute train wreck. Fair enough, I suppose.

Well, having been locked out of the "SimmonBerry Fantasy League," my motivations changed. I no longer cared about joining the celebrity league. My aspirations instead became three-fold:
1. To create a piece of theater that would celebrate the world of sports fandom I am proud to be a part of
2. To invite sports fans who do not consider themselves "theater-goers" to a show they would legitimately be excited about
3. To introduce many in the theater world to the reasons why being a sports fan is just so fantastic

When people ask, "What's your show called?", the response is either mild confusion or wild excitement. I encourage people with either reaction to come and check it out. You'll have a good time. And there are gonna be hot chicks.

For more information go to Fantasy Football The Musical.

Sometimes the jokes just write themselves....

Golfer Phil Mickelson bids on Nashville Waffle House franchisee.

Richard Gasquet sells swamp land to ITF

ASSOCIATED PRESS

LONDON–Richard Gasquet escaped a lengthy doping ban Wednesday when the International Tennis Federation's tribunal panel ruled that he inadvertently took cocaine by kissing a woman in a nightclub.

The 23-year-old Frenchman, who was cleared to resume playing after completing a 21/2-month ban on Wednesday, convinced the independent anti-doping tribunal that he ingested cocaine with the kiss with the woman he had just met.

The tribunal panel of three lawyers said Gasquet consumed no more than "a grain of salt" of the drug, and a long ban would be an injustice in a case which was "unusual to the point of being probably unique.''

"We have found the player to be a person who is shy and reserved, honest and truthful, and a man of integrity and good character," the tribunal said in its ruling. "He is neither a cheat nor a user of drugs for recreational purposes.''

He went to a nightclub in Miami with friends to see a French DJ perform at a dance music festival, which the tribunal noted was "notoriously associated with use of illegal recreational drugs including cocaine.''

Gasquet told the tribunal hearing held in London last month that he kissed a woman, identified in the ruling only as "Pamela.''

The tribunal said it was likely she had consumed cocaine during the night, though it had no direct evidence.

Gasquet was "on the balance of probability, contaminated with cocaine by Pamela" and, therefore, not significantly at fault for the doping offence, the ruling said.

The ruling allowed the Frenchman to keep the ranking points and prize money he gained at tournaments in April.

Click here for the full article.

Federer stands alone with 15 majors

How crazy was that match??? Federer defeats Roddick 5-7, 7-6, 7-6, 3-6, 16-14.

After 4.5 hours of back-and-forth action I can now get on with my day.

UPDATE:

If you're interested in what happened with a dose of cheeky British humour, check out Scott Murray's live blog at The Guardian. Perhaps you'd like some photos of the action to go along with Murray's blog? Here you go. Incidentally, there aren't nearly as many (any?) photos of Brooklyn Decker as shots of her today during NBC's broadcast. Can't say I blame NBC. [Side note: Is it just me of do you get the feeling Andy and Brooklyn should be modeling Tommy Hilfiger gear?]

Update #2: From Si.com

Here's a numerologist's-eye view of Federer's unsurpassed greatness.

0 -- Losses in Grand Slam tournaments since Wimbledon 2004 against players outside the top five. Federer's last such loss at a major came against No. 30 Gustavo Kuerten at the '04 French Open.

1 -- Opponents who have defeated Federer in a Grand Slam final (Rafael Nadal).

2 -- Men who have achieved a career Golden Slam, winning each of the four majors plus an Olympic gold medal. Federer is one. Andre Agassi is the other.

3 -- Seasons where Federer has won three of the four Grand Slams (2003, '04 and '07).

4 -- Different surfaces where Federer has won Grand Slams: grass, clay and two different kinds of hard courts. Only Agassi has equaled the feat.

5 -- Consecutive U.S. Open victories from 2003 through 2008, an open era record.

6 -- Years without losing a match on grass. Federer won 65 straight matches on his favorite surface between a first-round loss at Wimbledon 2002 and last year's final.

7 -- Consecutive years with at least one Grand Slam title. Only Borg (1974-81) and Sampras (1993-2000) have longer runs, which Federer can match in 2010.

8 -- Losses suffered throughout his streak of 21 consecutive appearances in Grand Slam semifinals.

9 -- Career ATP singles titles on clay, traditionally his weakest surface.

10 -- Consecutive Grand Slam finals reached between Wimbledon 2005 and the '07 U.S. Open, a record. Federer also owns the second-longest streak, his current run of six from the '07 French Open through Wimbledon '09.

11 -- Grand Slam titles won from 2004 through '07, an all-time record for major titles in a four-year span (male or female).

17 -- Countries where Federer has won ATP singles titles: Australia, Austria, Canada, People's Republic of China, England, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, the Netherlands, Portugal, Qatar, Spain, Switzerland, Thailand, United Arab Emirates and the United States.

18 -- Consecutive Grand Slam tournaments where Federer was seeded No. 1 from the '04 French Open through '08 Wimbledon, a record.

20 -- Appearances in Grand Slam singles finals, where he's 15-5. Ivan Lendl (19) held the all-time mark until this year.

21 -- Consecutive appearances in Grand Slam semifinals, perhaps the most extraordinary metric of Federer's otherworldly consistency.

24 -- Appearances in the finals of ATP Masters Series events, a record. His 15 victories in these prestigious tournaments ranks second all-time to Agassi (17).

26 -- Consecutive matches won against opponents in the top 10 from October 2003 through January 2005, a record.

34 -- Consecutive victories at the U.S. Open from 2004 through last year, an open era record. Federer is the only player in history to win 34 or more consecutive matches at two different Grand Slam tournaments (in addition to his Wimbledon streak from '03 through '08.)

56 -- Consecutive wins on hard courts during 2005 and '06, an open era record.

94.3 -- Percent of singles matches (247-15) won from 2004 through '06.

182 -- Victories in major tournaments (against 26 losses), a win percentage of 87.5 percent. The only other men's players in the open era with winning percentages above 80 are Bjorn Borg (89.8), Rafael Nadal (85.7), Pete Sampras (84.2), Jimmy Connors (82.6), Ivan Lendl (81.9), John McEnroe (81.5), Andre Agassi (80.9) and Boris Becker (80.3).

237 -- Consecutive weeks spent at No. 1, a record. Federer is the first player to reign atop the ATP rankings for four consecutive years from Feb. 2, 2004, through Aug. 18, 2008.

$48,072,634 -- Career earnings as of June 2009 according to ATPWorldTour.com, an all-time record.